The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize