her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
