Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
