My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
