I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
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