I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
