now i know why i became what i already was.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
