Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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