first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
