Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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