so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
