Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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