Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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