you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
These tits shall not be calmed
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
