I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
