Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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