and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
