Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
