I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
