i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
