I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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