It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
