I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
