I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
