i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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