i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
