I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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