Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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