Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
