somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
