i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Please don't give away my fajitas
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
