How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
