If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
