Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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