No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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