Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
There are leaves in my underwear?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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