Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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