I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
