I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
