no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
