did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
