well I can't set my house on fire every night
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
