so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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