If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
