i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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