i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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