I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize