It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
