shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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