Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
