I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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