Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
