I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
