dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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