I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
