butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize