I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
