theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
even my farts smell like vagina
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
