He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
