I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
