Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
