He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
