it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
