my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
