between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
worst night to have a conscience
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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