i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
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