It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize