He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
